Finally Writing Again...

...And yes, I know, it has been a very long time since you have received an appropriate blog post. This is part of a series of posts that I will continue to write until I become disenchanted with blogging again.
It seems to go in cycles. First, I get involved in a blog that I read (yes I still read everybody's blog, at least skimming) and then I become inspired by that blog. The next wave is a wave of guilt that sweeps over me because every time that I try to write something I sound like an adolescent. The guilt really comes when I take a good look at myself and discover that because of my lack of blogging, there has been less introspection, and because of that I have grown stupider. I don't even know if that is a real word and I might just be accentuating my stupidness, but it is true. I have grown stupider. And now I am trying to regain the small bit of intellect that I have left to write and practice.
I would love to update you on things that are happening or that have happened in the past month but there is a bit so I will sum it up with this word.
engagedfourjobsworkschoolBYUBnewhowaboutmormonsresearchhouseplanningcrazysneezelasagna.
If you want a definition, look it up.
Today I would like to talk about the last four syllables of that word. sneeze-las-ag-na.
I feel like sneezing does more damage that it does good. I wish that I could hold my sneeze like I could hold my desire to go to the bathroom but for some strange reason, sneezing is one of those things that just can't be held. In fact, according to my studies, the more you try to hold a sneeze in the worse it comes out. But the minute it is convenient to sneeze and you just want to get it over with there is this pause where all you do is just breathe in deep multiple times, each breath squishing your face in more and more until you look like you have a bitter beer face with a mouth wide open. Then it blows at the worst possible moment spraying spittle and more over everything at about 100 mph (I looked it up). That is 1/6th the speed of sound. This can prove to be quite disasterous. Today I was eating some leftover lasagna at work at walking around outside on my break. I sneezed. That reminded me of a story.
When I was a child, I loved to eat. I continue to have a very high metabolism and I could never get enough. Also growing up very competitive, I always wanted to be the first one done eating so I could go and play. Any chewing was secondary as I would shovel mouthful after mouthful. I am also a person who likes to get the worst over with and save the best for last. As I was shoveling carrots one night at family dinner, I felt a little tingle in my nose. Nothing was more important for me than getting those carrots done with so I masterfully put in bite after bite, chewing as fast as I could until the carrots were small enough to swallow. As I had about three carrot sticks in my mouth, I started making the face. Breath. Scrunch. Breath. Scrunch. Until my head was all the way back. I was locked and loaded. I tried to turn away, realizing at the last moment that this might be a bit messy, but that only made it worse. As I turned and ducked my head, little carrot pieces mixed with saliva came spurting out like shrapnel from an IED (improvised explosive device) and claiming their victims. I had my head down by the edge of the table and knew instantly what had happened. I wiped the carrots from my chin and looked up to see the destruction. Most of the pieces were found on the front of my sister across the table, the main course in front of me and my mother's plate, cup, utensils and lap. I looked down at my own plate and saw that luckily I have made it through okay with a few minor carrots dotting the upper edge. I felt terrible.
Since then, I have learned that one of the best places to sneeze when around people is in the middle of your arm by your elbow pit. Wrap it around you like you are going to suffocate yourself and hold on. It is really great if you are wearing a jacket that you can pack away and hide.
The moral of the story. Be careful when you are sneezing.
This friendly (and mildy disgusting) PSA will illustrate my point.

Be careful out there!